Part Three: Cultural Armor and Emotional Ammunition
A conversation with a Special Operations Psychologist
We talk a lot about mindset in Special Operations, mission-first, no-fail, keep moving. But mindset is a blade with two edges. It can carry you through hell. It can also keep you stuck in it long after the mission ends.
This third part of the conversation with John, a seasoned psychologist embedded in SOF, dives into the cultural architecture that builds elite warfighters and the silent consequences it can carry for the man beneath the uniform. These aren’t just “mental health” questions—they’re cultural, existential, and sometimes lethal.
Cultural and Societal Pressures
Q. How does the culture of Special Operations impact the way men experience and express mental health struggles?
John:
Men, civilian or military, tend to be “externalizers.” This means they generally can’t or won’t tell you what is going on inside but instead manifest mental health issues in maladaptive observable behaviors like fighting and substance use. I think SOF just adds a bit more bravado and external pressure to “stay in the fight.”One thing I’ve noticed is that operators tend to see their symptoms in isolation. For example, “hey doc, I’m having a hard time sleeping,” or “my temper has been through the roof.” They don’t tend to acknowledge problems as a collective whole that needs to be addressed. For some, this is just the “safe” way of starting a convo when they need help, while others have a genuine lack of awareness and education regarding what is going on with them.
Many guys experience mental health struggles in an adaptive and healthy way. They seek help by talking to friends, loved ones, mentors, or professionals. They try to restore balance by increasing self-care activities like working out, participating in leisure activities/hobbies, and practicing their faith.
Sadly, many others have a different trajectory. Some become work-a-holics and bury themselves in work to avoid what they are feeling. Some turn to substances to mask their emotions. Do either of these too much or for too long and the consequences always catch up and make a bad situation worse. The most tragic outcomes generally come when you have someone with recent relationship loss, using alcohol, who has access to firearms or other lethal means.
Josh’s commentary:
The phrase “stay in the fight” becomes gospel in SOF, until the fight becomes your own mind. John's take is spot on: we externalize. We don't say “I'm breaking,” we say “I'm tired,” or “just need to get back in the gym.” That kind of compartmentalization is survival downrange, but it's disconnection back home.
And he’s right, some guys do adapt. They talk to friends, move their bodies, lean into faith. But others double down on control, work, booze, bravado, anything to avoid the truth that their system is failing. The irony is, the more capable the operator, the more convincing the mask. And the more dangerous the fall when it cracks.
Necessary Resilience vs. Emotional Suppression
Q. Many operators are conditioned to embrace suffering as part of the job. How do you help them differentiate between necessary resilience and unhealthy suppression of emotions?
John:
There is an old joke that goes, “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but the light bulb has to want to change.” Helping anyone see that what they are doing isn’t helpful is entirely contingent on how ready they are to change and how receptive they are to challenging their existing thought and behavior patterns. I’ve found that just because they made it to my office does not mean they are ready to change. In fact, most aren’t—they just know that their current state isn’t optimal. Trying to highlight how their current behavior is or isn’t working for them is an art. Push too hard and they dig in or never return. Push too little and there is no growth.
Josh’s commentary:
This is one of the hardest realities for anyone trying to help operators heal: just showing up doesn’t mean they’re ready. I’ve seen it firsthand. Some guys walk through the door because leadership told them to. Others walk in because their marriage is collapsing or they scared themselves last weekend. That doesn’t mean they’re ready to see themselves yet.
And John nails the tension; it’s not about cracking the armor with a hammer. It’s about knowing when to tap and when to pause. Most SOF guys can’t stand being told what to feel. But they respect honest reflection, especially when it’s delivered without bullshit.
Masculinity and Mental Health
Q. Do you think the traditional expectations of masculinity—stoicism, toughness, self-reliance—help or hinder mental health in this community?
John:
I’m going to give a very psych answer here: it depends! These traits can be very adaptive and helpful when applied in the right amounts and the right time. Our mission sets demand a healthy dose of these traits to be successful. As with anything though, you can have too much of a good thing. You have to be able to modulate based on your environment. How much, how often? Toughness in combat should look very different than toughness at home.
Josh’s commentary:
This is the nuance most conversations about masculinity miss. It’s not the traits that are toxic—it’s the rigidity. Stoicism and self-reliance are potent tools in the proper context. But when you apply them universally, at home, with your kids, in grief, you end up using a combat mindset where a human one is required.
The mission taught us to be unbreakable. Life requires us to be adaptable. Knowing which version of yourself to bring to which situation, that’s the real mastery. And that’s the work most men never get trained for.
Closing Thoughts
The culture of Special Operations shapes not just how we fight but also how we suffer—and often, how silently we do it. John’s insights reveal a hard truth: the very traits that build elite warriors can become blinders when the mission shifts inward. Strength, stoicism, and self-reliance are tools, but without modulation, they become armor that isolates and suppresses.
Next week, we shift from culture to treatment. What actually works when it comes to helping operators heal? We’ll dig into what’s effective, what’s bullshit, and what’s still missing from the mental health landscape in Special Operations. If you’ve ever wondered why some interventions fail while others change lives, Part Four will pull the curtain back.
If this hit something real, share it.
We don’t heal in silence. We don’t shift culture by playing it safe. I’m saying the quiet things out loud so others don’t have to carry them alone. If this gave words to something you’ve felt but couldn’t say, pass it on. Someone in your circle needs to hear it.